Struggle Well

I had this blog written and someone's little fingers deleted it all, so I'm starting over...

I had a sad mom moment last night... that moment where you just want to scoop up your baby and rescue them from their hurting heart. But you can't...

I had a bad day yesterday. I was emotional over some other things in my life. I had cried all day. It was just one of those days, then I started thinking about a friend's facebook post. She had been confused about something that was going on in her life for a couple days when she remembered the true character of God, and that he was a God of order and not confusion. While I was in no way confused I had been debating different possibilities about my situation in my head when I remember this and decided I was going to base my decisions on the character of God. When I did I had peace and the answers became clear to me. God continued to deal with me on alot of levels yesterday and while at times it was uncomfortable, but it was clear, and comforting to know God was speaking to me. :)

After my bad day, I was getting the kids to bed early! I was getting to spend time with them and things were looking up! I thought "YES! My day is getting better!", then it happened... Cade and I were having a rough time, after walking away and then coming back, we began discussing his heart. He told me that he felt he didn't have any friends and that people didn't like him. My heart sank. He cried, I cried! I held him tight, I assured him I liked him, he was my friend, and he was cool. And also that he looked so awesome at school this year! (he's been all about "looking good"). We prayed over him, we asked God to send him a special friend at school. I was sad, and I was mad! I was mad that kids are so mean, and that parents are not educating their children better about special needs kids. I wanted to march up to his school and make sure all those kids knew they need to be nice to him, be nice to each other. But that's not realistic. I also have to realize that most parents, unless there is a special needs kid in their family, are not educating their children, not because they are mean, but because they a) don't think about it and b) don't realize their non special needs kid has special kids in their class.

I wanted to be able to rescue my Cade from his hurt. I wanted to tell him he never had to go back to school and that he could stay with me forever. Again for us this is not realistic. I could not home school him because I don't have the tools I need to teach him the way he needs. I would be lying if I told you that I love public school and that I want my kids to be there, but right now, it's what is the best solution for Cade, and I have to be honest and tell you that I want my kids to be at school together. I want Cade to have the opportunity to be a "big brother" and I want Addie to help encourage kids to realize how cool Cade is! I would love to be able to afford a specialized school for him, but I can't, and then I struggle with, "how well is that preparing him for life" most of those schools have ONLY special needs kids and how does that prepare him for the cruelness of the world when he goes to College or Vocational Training?

I know his pain (I'm sure not the same degree) but I was not "cool" in school. I was made fun of ALOT. I wish I could just tell him that none of that really matters after high school and that it's all a level playing field in the real world, but even if I did, it wouldn't be any consolation to his pain right now. It won't help him to feel less lonely.

I obviously can't force the kids to be nice to Cade, and I can't hide Cade from the rest of the world so that his heart is protected. So I was trying to figure out, how I can best encourage him at school. I never considered asking God what I should do, or how I should approach it. I mean God had been talking to me all day but it was about something totally different. I was meeting a friend after my kids went to bed and on the way to my destination I was listening to KLTY, Nightlight with Andrea. They topic of the night was brothers. I only heard one story before commercials came on and I was where I needed to be. But it was a girl talking about her special needs brother. I thought okay God, I get it! You are so good, but the more I listened she began to talk about her brothers happiness despite any situation (there was a time i could relate to that) but I didn't feel like this applied... I questioned God, and then kept listening. Andrea asked her, "What has your brother Danny taught you" the girl replied, "he showed me what it meant to struggle well". Wow.... struggle well.

This has significant impact on me and I began to thank Him for being so real to me, ALL DAY! The truth is we all struggle! We all have times, moments, that we endure circumstances and challenges in our lives. But do we struggle well? We will struggle... we will. But how do we handle it? Cade doesn't just face struggles every so often, for him, it's everyday, every moment. I want to encourage him to struggle well. I want to encourage him to not approach his struggles poorly but with peace, confidence, and strength. I want to be an example by "struggling well". I want to encourage you as well, STRUGGLE WELL.

Brandie

Just a little update: Cade's third grade teacher called me this morning in a response to an email I had written her and told me that she LOVES having Cade in her class, and that the kids in HER class fight over being his helper, and that on Meet the Teacher night when Cade was there, the parents of some of the other students that were there requested that their kids be Cade's helpers, so she has a rotation! Yay! Thank you Lord for more answered prayers. His Goodness is overwhelming!

Special Needs Struggles

I'm not really sure where to start this post. Other than to tell you the other day I was rocking Laynie to sleep and Addie was in the bathroom helping Cade get ready for bed, brushing his teeth, I believe. I hear from her in the rudest and most demanding way possible, "Cade, open your mouth!", and my heart sank. Not because Addie was being rude or ugly to him, but becuase she was immulating me. Kids are carbon copies of what they hear/see. I treat Cade that way, and I do, I know I do.

I work really hard to let Addie know that Cade is special and that God made her special becuase she knew that Cade would need her, and that it is our job to help him and love him. She is really a great sister! More than any other 4 yr old could be. God truly gave her to me, and to him. Addie loves to mother, and she will be an incredible mother one day! But who is teaching her? Me!

I started to wonder, why do I get so frustrated with him. And the truth is, I'm not. I'm frustrated at the cards he was dealt. There are days, I just don't enjoy being his mom, and it's not a reflection of Cade at all. When I think of Cade all I think of is the JOY he brings to my life everyday, the way he LOVES me and everyone in his life, how THOUGHTFUL he is, no like seriously thoughtful, how the CALLING on his life is great. His attributes like how much he loves dates, times, schedules, and how that is going to be very useful in his life. I LOVE that kid! He's cool! But on those days that I just don't enjoy being his mom it's becuase it's work, more work than I think an 8 yr old should be. Selfish huh? and who is paying the price for my selfishness? Cade. My joyful, loving, thoughtful, Cade.

Life is truly so hard for him, and there are days I think how crappy life must feel to him. But as his mom, I feel really crappy too, because I'm not loving him the way I think I should be. I honestly feel like his life is harder becuase of me. I yell more than I hug. I scream more than I tickle. I demand more than I spend time with him. I wake up frustrated with him and many nights put him to bed frustrated with him. I spend so much of my time advocating for tolerance and there are days, most days, I feel like the biggest hypocrite.

I was wondering in that moment I was holding Laynie, if it's just me. Am I the only special needs mom that feels this way? I mean every other mom I see has so much compassion for her child, and I want to, truly, I do! But I'm too busy being frustrated. I was wondering how other siblings cope? Are they always that thoughtful and compassionate as I see them, as they see me? Or do they struggle the same way I do? Do they go home and yell when they tell thier child for literally the 14th time to do something they do EVERY night? or do they patiently just tell them again. I would love to be a fly on the wall. But at the same time I fear it would just be me.

About, i dunno, 6 months ago, I was in Michaels, shopping, when Addie had to go to the bathroom SOOO BAD. As I walked to the bathroom I met a teenage girl standing outside the restroom with her basket. I had noticed earlier that she was with her younger brother, who obviously had special needs, and her mother. She reminded me so much of Addie becuase you could tell she felt partially responsible for him. The mom and the brother were in the bathroom. I sent my kids in as I waited in the hallway with my shopping cart with Laynie sitting in the front seat. As the mom and the brother came out of the restroom he got a drink of water and they all began to walk off, when Laynie caught his attention. He came over and hit Laynie in the head, as the mom yells out a "NO!" and does her best to wrangle him away. They immediately left. I wanted so bad to talk to her. To tell her I admired her bravery of getting out and taking him in somewhere. To tell her it was okay (i did tell her that but quickly as she hurried away).

So many outsiders don't understand why our kids act they way they do and I was just glad that it was my daughter that he hit versus someone else's that didn't understand. I cried for days. I wanted so bad for that mom to know I was tolerant, that I empathized with her. That I wanted to be her friend becuase we fight a similar fight. I expect that we should all be tolerant. I expect that everyone should think that even when a kid looks normal (like Cade) think that if they are acting out, it's not a discipline issue. That we don't know the circumstances and with nuerological disorders running rampant, this could be the issue. But the truth is they don't. Unless you know, live with, experience someone with special needs your mind doesn't go there.

I live with a son with special needs, and I wonder am I the only mom that struggles with feeling like a mom that isn't equipped to be his mom? I wonder does living with it day in/out desensitize me to the compassion? I feel like I'm compassionate towards others but not to my OWN SON. I think about Addie and how frustrated she gets and I wonder is that becuase it's her example or is she also desensitized to it? I want so badly to breed compassionate, loving, accepting children. I want so badly for Addie, Laynie, and even Cade to love the unlovely. To stick up for the underdog. To be friends to the friendless. But I know that my example is what is ultimately going to make the difference in the long run. My kids will be what they see.

So I think of Jesus, you know WWJD. Of course he was perfect, and should be our example. But he was PERFECT and I am not. I know that Jesus would be compassionate, I know that Jesus would heal, I know that Jesus would encourage others to accept and to love. I want to be that for Cade. I want to immulate Jesus. But I'm not perfect, I'm selfish. It's hard and so many days I'm tired of "fighting the good fight", but I continue on. Because Cade needs me. Because Cade has saved me, because Cade had changed my life, all for the better. There is nothing about Cade's presence in my life that has had a negative affect on me. I know as parents, even when you have typical children, no matter how great you are, you are going to screw up, you are going to wound your children. But I want so badly to be what Cade is to me, to him, a blessing, and nothing less.

So join me in praying for me, yes! Of Course! I want to be the best mom that Cade, Addie, and Laynie would ever need or want. I want to be kind and understanding to Cade and I want to teach my girls compassion and acceptance. But, Please, pray for all special needs parents, for strength, if nothing else. It's hard enough when you KNOW what's wrong with your child and how to better equip them to handle situations. But I live with an undiagnosed child, it's like shooting arrows in the dark as to what affects him and how I can make his life easier without doing everything for him. I have no idea what I am doing and I need wisdom!

Please join me in loving on the special needs kiddos you know and thier caregivers!

Breastfeeding and my husband....and yours.

I don't think it's any secret that I'm kinda "crunchy".  Okay so I'm not an extremist but I definately have crunchy tendancies... that who knows, if I keep writing, might come out more and more.  One of the things that crunchy mommas do is breastfeed. I feel like unfortunately breastfeeding is like most crunchy topics and you have to be "extreme" one way or the other. Well, I'm not and I'd like to tell you why, and how it relates to my husband, and yours.

 It is National Breastfeeding Month with all kinds of organizations putting together "latch on's" and pretty much anything that promotes breastfeeding and just yesterday I found this article posted on a facebook group that I'm part of. They were up in arms about how this was just WRONG. I'd like to disect it a little more. I also, not to long ago, had a friend on fb post how "disgusting" she thought a mom breastfeeding in church was. I was appalled by this statement.

I absolutely 100% believe that breastfeeding is the BEST thing for your baby and that if you choose to breastfeed you should be able too, wherever you would like. Texas State Laws protect this right, and lots of other rights to breastfeeding moms, and I'm so thankful for that! I absolutely love the State of Texas! :) Breastfeeding from the breast has tons of great benefits to mom and baby. Not to mention it's the way God made us. It's the purpose and function of the breast. Our society has over sexualized breasts and therefore seeing a boob feeding a baby, just freaks us out. Why, I'm not really sure, since we can see them just about every other way and think that's totally normal. 

The situation in Burleson arose because of the children that were there ages 5-12, they were hosting a day camp. One mom was feeding her baby outside the entrance, and one right inside the entrance. I can't say for sure about the first mom, but I can say the second mom was not showing much. Part of me completely and 100% understands the mom's point of view, It's hot, your baby needs to be fed, and they did offer them a private room, but if they have other children that's not feasible (one of the mom's daughters was going to a dance class).The only part of this article I have a HUGE problem with is thier wording... "The city did not attempt to prohibit breastfeeding and we fully support the freedom of mothers to breastfeed as long as it doesn't infringe on someone else's freedom"". What feedom is it that I don't have to be exposed to a breastfeeding mom, or a half naked woman for that matter. I'd like to envoke that right when I walk through the mall, or go to the waterpark, just saying. And how about the mom, that said it was "disgusting" to breastfeed at church. What is disgusting about feeding your child? I wish that we supported each other a little better. I don't think formula is "good" for our kids. Have you read the label on an Enfamil can the FIRST ingredient is Corn Syrup Solids. But I have fed Enfamil, Similac, and Earth's Best formula to 2/3 kids... I still think formula feeding is disgusting but I also realize that sometimes it's  best given our situation. So back to the question what is disgusting? The fact that it was at church? I'm unclear? Where should she have gone?

However, I then think about boobs. My husband loves them! As I think most men do. They are wired in a way to be turned on by them (In america, at least). Are they perverts? I don't think so. Are there perverts? Absolutely! But my husband is just a normal guy. I don't believe most breastfeeding moms go out to show off thier goods, I mean, they aren't just letting them hang out.. (although i do feel some do, just to prove a point). We are in no way TRYING to draw attention to ourselves. We are definatlely not flaunting it, because in my opinion there is NOTHING sexy about breastfeeding... NOTHING! However, it still doesn't change who my husband is, or yours.

I'm not currently breastfeeding (although i so wish I was) but I plan to breastfeed again at some point. And let me tell you why I chose to be covered even in 100 degree weather. Because it's modest. Because I don't have to worry about just a regular guy looking at what I have, versus what his wife has... I'm not saying that in any way it's better, or that they WANT to look. As a matter of fact my husband has been in the presence of a woman and her husband who met him somewhere, and she got out of her truck openly breastfeeding, no cover. When I asked him what he did, he said, "I just didn't look down". I think this is how most married men react. They aren't oogling. But as my husbands wife, I don't want him to even be tempted and/or inadvertenly see another woman. And so in order to "do unto others" I choose to cover up in public. My youngest daughter wouldn't feed under a blanket, there were many times I fed in the car (becuase it was easier), but i would cover up to latch her on and then strategically tuck the blanket around so you couldn't see anything. Just to add that extra protection. Were there times I probably flashed someone, I'm sure. But I was never just out there. Why? because I wish more women did that for my husband.

Do I think breastfeeding is wonderful? yes! Do I think you should be able to do it on demand without embarrassment? Absolutely! Do I wish breastfeeding was "normalized"? you bet! But the truth is, we live in America, where boobs are sexual objects. Where men want to see them any way they can. This isn't Africa where it's so normal they walk around topless so much of the time. We have been taught they are sexual, and becuase of this, I don't believe we can deny that they ARE sexual. Does that mean they should be? I don't think so, but it is! Breastfeeding advocates say that the only way to "normalize it" is for more of us to not cover up, and while that might be true. I'm just not there. I feel like not only is it kind of disrespectful to my husband (I wouldn't want him showing off his goodies) but I also feel like it's disrespectful to you, the wife of someone or the mother of a teenage boy. As women, I don't feel its inappopriate to openly, without cover. breastfeed. I mean, we all have the same equiptment right? But in public, in front of men, boys, adolescents. I think it changes the senario.

I just think there is something respectful, modest, and honoring about being discreet.

"It could be that your dates are way off, or you could have a blighted ovum..."

Here it is, my follow up post to my situtation. I'm a processor... meaning that sometimes it takes me hours, days, ,weeks, possibly even years, to actually process what I'm feeling... Because I feel the need to be strong for so many people, something I have done since I was younger, I think I emotionally shut down after hearing "bad" news. So while this blog may be informative, and I am doing my best to "feel" I'm not sure if I'm there yet. So if it seems to lack emotion, it just may...

I went in for an hcg test today. When I woke this morning I thought, after reading up on hcg, that I would wait to have my morning coffee after my test, because I wanted nothing but water in my system.  However, in waiting for my coffee, I also forgot to eat. I packed up my precious little punkins and we ventrued off to the birthing center. They don't take much blood for an hcg test so it never crossed my mind that not eating might not be a good idea. However, She had some trouble locating a vein and for some reason they kept rolling around. So after digging in my arm and not being able to get it, I told her to try my hand, I have HUGE protruding veins in my hands. She said it would hurt and that she really hated to do that, but considering the options she would. She stuck it once and the vein again roly polied away. She stuck me the second time really trying to get it when I told her, "I'm just letting you know, I feel nasueous" she immediately took it out and handed me a trash can.. I laid my head back, she told me to take deep breaths, and asked me if I was going to pass out, I told her I might. The room got bright, the voices tunneled and I just laid back. They got me a coconut water with lots of electrolytes and cold rags. I came back too.

She told me she would NOT poke me again and that she would send me to the lab, and they could do it. I then began to talk to her about a sono. At the Birthing Center everything is out of pocket and with the first of the month coming up and rent, car payments, car insurance, and a mower payment all due I wasn't sure if it was something that would work for us right now. But she told me I could wait, get the HGC test done and do the sono later, but the sonographer was there, and had no appts at the moment. I just happened to have cash on me and felt like everything was too perfect not to just find out what was going on. So I told me kiddos we were going to go look at the baby,. I was excited for them. Cade has never seen a sonogram (I don't think, or that he could remember) and I wanted him to see the baby. We walked to the other room. I laid down. Cade was ready with the camera, and the sonographer began to look around. At this point according to charts, dates, and positive pregnancy test I would be anywhere from 8-9 weeks pregnant. (I have really long periods and I assume 8 weeks, by my charts, but according to last menstrual date would be 9 weeks). I knew as soon as I saw the sac. NO BABY. Cade was asking where's the baby? did we lose it? I was prompted, when the spotting started, to tell my kids that it was POSSIBLE that something might happen to the baby. I"m thankful now for that decision. The sonographer confirmed what I saw, she told me my dates could be way off, or it could be a blighted ovum. I told her there was no way my dates were off. I know because of charting and when I took my pregnancy test. And she then said in the most compassionate way possible, that she also believed it to be a blighted ovum because it lacked a second ring (seen on sonograms) that viable pregnancies have.

I asked how long.... how long till my body knows there is no baby. Answer: 2-4 weeks. It's just a waiting game.

I have to tell you I'm sad... so sad. I have only had one planned pregnancy. That was my sweet Addie Renee. I was so happy to be pregnant with her. But I am a planner. So when I haven't had the chance to plan things out I get worried and stressed. I was worried and stressed with Cade, mostly due to shame (whole nother story) but I didn't realize what a child was, what a child meant, the work, the blessing. I also didn't realize what having a child with special needs was going to mean to me. Planned Addie. And then there was Laynie. Not planned. I was working, I was fine with the two kids I had. I didn't need more. I was not happy for weeks, maybe months, of course I warmed up to the idea. At 11 weeks had a sono and it was then that I remember really being happy. I had a precious life in me... but it took me that long. With this baby, there was none of that, it was so not in my plans, my sweet Laynie is only 14 months old, not walking. But I knew it was okay we would figure it out. When I took the test, Aaron said, "wow, i think that's the happiest I've ever seen you with a test" and he was right! I was! just happy! I knew it was God's plan and that no matter what it would all work out. I honestly feel robbed of that joy.

I still know that God has a plan. I do NOT believe that God ended this pregnancy to show me anything, to prove a point, or teach me a lesson. I do NOT believe my God works that way. I do know that He allows Satan to steal, kill, and destroy certain things. And that HE sees a bigger picture, a better plan, that NOTHING in the Kingdom is without purpose. While I don't know the purpose, I trust that there is one. God had used EVERY bad thing for good in my life. I still feel He is a redeeming and restoring God.

I have to honeslty tell you though, that as I feel sad, and robbed of joy. I also feel relieved. I have been spotting for three weeks and I have been in constant wonder of what is. I have tried to be hopeful but lets face it we are human and in the back of my mind I knew this could be a possibility and according to modern science is not necessarilly a bad one. They say that they beleive that blighted ovums are the bodies way of recognizing that there was a chromosonal abnormality, an problem in cell division, or poor quality sperm, that is caught early enough the body rids it self of it. I don't know if this is true, if it's just a theory, or if it's "proven" and I can't say I have much confidence in anything pertaining to modern medicine but; You see, I was just at a Special Olympics  swim meet with my son a week and  half ago. There are several moms on his swim team that have not just one special needs kid, but two. I am a firm believer that God does not give us more than we can handle, but I can't imagine what life is like with two special needs kids. I can't imagine how overwhelmed they must feel, trapped even. Cade is healing and my hope is that one day will be completely made Whole...but life with him sometimes is just HARD... and to be honest I struggle so much in just being his mom that I hope I don't have another special needs child. They are the absolute biggest blessing and there is NO DOUBT that Cade has revealed so much about life I would have never seen otherwise, but it's hard.

So here i am, still technically pregnant, still nauseated, sore boobs, eating everything, not wanting certain things, craving things I normally don't eat,smelling everything, but I'm not growing a baby, just a sac. I'm sad. But I know it's okay.

The Situation... may be too much TMI.. consider yourself warned.

I have been asking for prayer alot lately on facebook and in my personal circles. Most people have speculated what they think the issue is, or have asked if I am okay. Since it's a situation that has to be monitored and will be ongoing I think It's fair that I write out the details for those that are praying.

I have considered not writing this becuase I fear the negative thoughts that may come against me. However, the key word in the last sentence is fear. I cannot live my life according to my fears! I have to overcome fear and doubt and right now, that is an everyday, every moment occurance.. Constantly professing the perfect love that God has for me and my family! I also know that when people know specifics they can pray specifically and I hope that, that is what happens in this situation! Specific prayers for me!

I know several things: God is good! He is the creator of Life, He loves to restore, and He loves to redeem. I know to Trust! I know that fear is NOT from Him! I'm standing firm on the things I know to be true to His character! I know that redemption and restoration can look different and that in any situation, good or bad, He works ALL things together for my good! I've seen him do it in EVERY area of my life and I don't think this trumps that.....

So here it is... I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks... I have had three babies and had normal, non eventful pregnancies...At about 5 weeks pregnant I began having spotting and brown discharge... Not alot just some... I asked my midwife about it and she felt it was just good to monitor it and explained that sometimes things like this happen... about three days later I had a small bleed, nothing like a period but more than just spotting... I freaked out.. I have never had this before... I again talked to her and she said well... lets wait it out.  I went back to just spotting and discharge... I know that sometimes when you are low on progesterone you can have these kind of symptoms and I have struggled with low progesterone since having Laynie (in my opinion, due to taking birth control, but that's another story for another time) so I mentioned this to her and she suggested starting a progesterone cream and I have done that. I have also been diligent about taking my vitamins, lots of water, cutting most of my coffee out, just trying to protect this sweet little life as best I can! However I still continues to spot and have discharge for weeks. I thought about HGC testing, at first I thought what is the point, what will be will be, but then I thought maybe it would be good just for peace of mind... On Saturday I did my first draw, which was 12,000 in normal range for someone 7 weeks along...HGC levels should double within 48-72 hours... so on Monday I did a redraw and my HGC was at 15,000. These is not a normal rate for viable pregnancy.

There are a few things that could be the reason for this... One could just be an abnormality, but will still produce a perfectly healthy child in about 32 weeks. I could have a blighted ovum which is "The medical term for a pregnancy loss in which the gestational sac and placenta develop but the baby does not. Pregnancy hormones will rise and the woman may feel pregnant, but an ultrasound reveals that there is no baby in the sac." or it could be that it's an ectopic pregnancy, however since I have no pain in the abdomen this is probably not the case. Anyway, the midwife told me that those numbers are not great which could mean I have already miscarried or will. I have also gotten other opinions and a sono had been recommended on all sides and is the action I will take. I also think that I will get another hgc draw as early as tomorrow. :)

I am not recieving the word of a miscarriage. I have to admit that I am fearful and of course I doubt, but I'm working hard to not accept the fear and doubt and put my trust in the Lord and His promises. I'm trying to encourage my body to grow this baby in any way I can! I'm thankful for Life! I'm praying for miracles! I also encourage you to join  in praying for me specifically! I also saw my Chiro on Monday who seemed to think the issue may be my uterine lining. Thank you friends!

Those that are "different"...

Today on facebook a friend of mine whose brother is in a wheelchair, posted that she wishes parents would teach thier children (toddlers not included) to not stare at those who are different.

I just had a conversation with my inlaws last night about a young boy who had been set on fire in another country, Americans raised money for his family to move here and go to school here. They were asking him about making friends and although he looks different he had no problems making friends but said when his friends ask what happened to him he tells them.

My father in law stated that he just wouldn't want ask. And I thought about this. I would also NOT WANT TO ASK, and so I started thinking about that. Why would I not ask? My sister is missing a limb and I remember my mom getting so aggravated at adults that would just stare and look at her like it was all her fault, when she was born that way. I also have a developmentally delayed child that acts a little "odd" in social situations, as well as what others would consider "rude and disrespectful" to me. I have been told I need to spank him, I need to punish him, I need to beat him, he's out of control, by strangers no less. People that don't know anything about me or him and think that he's a product of a lack of discipline, which I assure you is NOT the issue.

And I can understand, I can understand in our world of being our kids friends before being thier parent why strangers would assume this, but wouldn't I rather they have a conversation with me before making thier assumptions? Of course I would! So back to my thinking of "Why would I not ask about a child with a disability? Why would I just stare?" I was trained this way. Not out of ugliness but just out of my parents trying to teach me not to be rude. I was taught not to stare at people that were different. I think in my mind that meant to ignore the fact that they were different. It's human curiousity that we want to know and understand. So by being taught that asking was rude, I myself have learned to not ask. I think we assume that in by not staring, and not asking, we are being nice, when the truth is we are just not acknowledging the fact that something is different.

Let me clue you in... they know they are different, if they don't know, their parents KNOW they are different. As a parent of someone that is developmentally delayed I want to encourage you, if you are curious, to ASK! I want to encourage you, to encourage your children to ASK! As a parent I feel better knowing that people know my child is different and asking questions to better understand the disability than to NOT ask and pretend nothing is wrong and not know how to deal with it, so you get frustrated with the individual. You are NOT going to offend a parent of a child in a wheelchair by asking why they are in a wheelchair, and definately not an adult. They KNOW they are in a wheelchair and just like anyone else, we like to talk about ourselves. Not to mention by educating you, you know have a better understanding of what their condition is and what life to them is like.

Okay so some of you are saying, "Brandie, I understand if they are in a wheelchair, missing a limb, have a severe scar from a traumatic event, but what about the mentally handicapp, those that are like your son, look like the rest of us but just aren't quite there. I don't want to offend someone if there is in fact nothing wrong with them", and I get that. Let me let you in on a little secret. If you spend enough time with someone, it's so much a part of thier life and who they are, they will let you know. And probably if you are spending time with them you weren't staring in the beginning. Parents love talking about thier kids so more than likely it will come up in conversation and then you can proceed to ask questions. Or you can preference it by saying, "I have a question, but I don't want to offend you". Then they know it's coming from a place of interest versus are you sure nothing is wrong with your kid...

Being that have a develop mentally delayed child and typical children, I don't think I would be offended if someone asked me if Addie (my typical child) had an issue. I would simply reply "no" and be done with it. However I absolutely welcome questions, even strangers questions about Cade.

I think ultimately, I want to teach my children tolerance. I know people are going to be ugly, they are going to isolate my children, becuase don't we ALL experience that? and even more so when you are challenged in some way? And there is nothing I can do about how others treat my child, but I can teach my children how to react, and to be different! To be the good! To accept ALL people regardless. That doesn't mean they have to be best friends, it doesn't mean they have to be friends at all. It doen't mean they have to agree on all issues, or think the same way. It just means that no matter what, they will be nice to them, they will greet them with a smile, they will show them Jesus. A Jesus they may never see or hear about otherwise!

:)

The First Christians

"'The disciples were called Christians first at Antioch.' What I find interesting is the simple thought that the Christians didn't name themselves. But rather, they were called (or named) 'Christians' by those watching their lives. I wonder if it would be the same today. Could some one look at my life and name me a Christian?"
-Chris Tomlin, from the forward in Crazy Love by Francis Chan

This quote really stirs a lot of thought in me. The first time I read it, it did, and now again. I begin to think that I'm not sure people would label me a Christian or a follower of Christ. I don't think my life bears enough good fruit that without someone simply asking me, they would know.

But in addition to that thought, I got to thinking about raising my children. Am I raising them in a way that they even know, not only that we are Christians, but what that really means? I mean sure we say bedtime prayers, and sure we read Bible stories, but do I live my life in such a way that when they get older they will truly know how to rely on God and his Faithfulness and strength and not their own? I think that sure, they will definitely know what it's like to live the typical "American Christian" life. But I want so much more for them. I want them to be radical for Jesus, and how can I expect that if I myself am not living that way? I'm praying to be better, so that they can be better. I'm praying that even when it's hard, even when it's not what I want to do, that I would love the Lord enough to follow in His ways so that my children might also do the same.