Lusting after another man...

With the explosion of 50 Shades of Grey it seems that women lusting over men has become a little more "normal" than it used to be. When Magic Mike came out and the book 50 Shades of Grey,  I re posted this blog. I have used this point of view to try and steer my self in a respectful direction. I won't lie, Magic Mike was playing on my movie channels not to long ago and I was home with just Laynie, and was tempted. But I didn't watch it. Why? because if my husband were to watch a movie based on female strippers, it would bother me.

My goal in my marriage is to do for Aaron what I want Aaron to do for me. That means keeping my mind purely focused on him. Does this mean that I don't see an attractive man and acknowledge that God did a good job making him? No! People are attractive. And when my husband acknowledges that a woman is pretty we usually discuss if I feel the same way. But hearing things like "she's so hott" or other phrases that might be used, makes me feel less. Makes me feel like somehow because I don't look that way, I am not fulfilling what he needs as far as looks go. Most of these thoughts come from my own insecurity, but when my husband makes me feel like I'm the hottest woman on the planet, the only woman he's drooling over, it does something to me! It makes me feel confident, appreciated, unstoppable!

I want to do that for Aaron. I don't think he struggles with confidence or looks, the way I do. But I still want him to feel respected or appreciated. Like I think he's a hunk (which I totally do). But if I'm posting pictures of half naked men on my facebook, how can that possible make him feel like he's the only man for me. Not to mention that I believe that looking at these images sets you up to compare your man, to a man that's not yours. That's someone else's man, what if another woman was looking at your man the way you are looking at that man.

I realize that many men struggle with porn addiction. Maybe you are in that type of relationship and you have convinced yourself that looking at half naked men, isn't as bad as what he's doing. Maybe you openly watch that together? Maybe you think all men do, so you accept it. (They don't, and it's not healthy.) Justifying what you are doing, doesn't make it right. The grass is never greener. A better looking man doesn't guarantee he would be what you need. If you do it because he does, two wrongs don't make a right. And are you being accountable to yourself? or to God? And in most cases your obsessing over a celebrity you will never have. Why? and what is the cost?

To me- the cost is that you are disrespecting your relationship which later can/will cause issues. Maybe they say they don't have an issue with it, but how much better would it be if you only had eyes for him? I'm not judging anyone, because I realize lusting over beautiful people is normal in this day and age, that to most there is nothing wrong with it. But to me we (As Christians) are to be set apart. We are held to a higher standard. We need lasting marriages, lasting relationships, we need to be the example. We need to show society what it is to bounce our eyes, and be content with the person we have.

I also think having a pure mind is a huge part of our Christian walk. It's so hard to have a pure mind. It's so easy to go there, because we are constantly bombarded with images. But as women, when you set it in a 50 shades of Grey setting, all the sudden you compare what he does versus what your man is doing. It's the same when a man views porn and thinks that's what sex should be like. It's not realistic and it creates disappointment within your relationship. Your partner is not meeting your expectations.

All I'm saying is this, Lets be women that have eyes only for our men. Let's be women that fantasize about just our man. Learn to love every single curve of your man's body versus someone you can never have. I want my husband to feel respected, and honestly, when you have 3 kids (and one one the way) it's easy to complain, it's easy to not be happy when you see him come home, It's easy to be upset that he didn't help you, or that he didn't meet your expectations, and you don't even mean to. Aaron complained one time that I didn't smile and act happy when he got home, and I thought are you freaking kidding me, do you know what I go through all day everyday? And I of course have done my best to fix that, but there are days that I'm exhausted and I don't make that extra effort, so if one thing I can do is to tell you how hott my husband is to me, and how I only fantasize about being with him, and how I'm so thankful I have a good looking husband, and that's all I can do to make him feel acknowledged, appreciated, and respected, then that's what I want to do.

I want to live my life in a way that is above reproach. I will fail. There will be things that I do that would make someone think, "really, Brandie, you're a Christian", but this is one area I chose to be different. God is still working on me, we are all a work in progress, but I feel VERY convicted in this area, and I wanted you to see what I think. Take it or leave it, no judgement :)

Be Brave and Struggle Well...

Brandie :)

When people clump it into the "ALL" category....

I have seen several posts lately about people being sick after getting their flu shots...

A friend of one of these sick people blamed their flu shot, another person commented saying they got their flu shot as well, but they weren't sick. This seems so DUH... to me, but apparently people think if one person gets sick from a source then we all must right?

Our bodies are amazing, and amazingly made. Our bodies have the absolute ability, given the right circumstances, to heal itself. If you cut your finger, what do you do? You clean it out, stick a band-aid on it, and try and keep it as clean and dry as possible so that it miraculously heals. Right? What heals it, you? No, it heals itself. Take that same finger, don't clean it, don't bandage it, and it may or may not heal, and it may or may not get infected and get worse.

I remember when Cade was in ICU. He had been aspirating his food, due to a condition he had. His lungs were full of formula, creating bacteria and infection. They placed him on a respirator and said that his body needed to rest. In children especially, their bodies get to a point they just quit. They wanted to give his body a break from trying to breathe so that he could heal.

Different circumstances create different makeup of immune systems. So if one person gets a flu shot there is a chance that due to lack of rest and nutrients that you could get very ill. It's not fair to lump it all together and say well I did that too and it was fine... I drove my car yesterday and didn't get in an accident but other people did. I took different streets and different times, my brain might have been thinking clearer and able to react better (probably not), who knows?

I think this applies to so much of our lives, not just our flu shots or vaccinations (although I absolutely think this is true for vaccinations as well). But what about our Spiritual lives? It's so easy to look for a formula, it's so easy to say well I do this, and this, and this every day and it works for me. The Bible is so Spiritual, the "Christian formula" is so unique to each person, where they are, what they have been through. It's amazing all the interpretations of Scripture that we get, it's amazing how we can read one Scripture one day, read the same Scripture the next week and interpret what we feel like it's saying completely different. Why-- because it's ministering to where we are in our journey, at that very moment. I recently read an article about Joel Olsteen and basically this article was defending him in that he saves more people than many other pastors combined in one night. I am not a Joel Olsteen fan (I don't think that's a secret), but to each his own, and you have to do what's right for you. I think he can be an encouragement to your life if that's where you are and what you need. But I wonder if "saying the prayer" isn't enough. How many of those saved are getting saved with the "feel good Gospel" and when things get tough and hurt and feel icky are they still going to stick with it. Not saying there aren't many he plants seed in, and good for him! I'm just saying the "Joel Olsteen Formula" might not work for everyone because we are all different. Churches the same way. You may love your church, it might not be the right "formula" for me.

In the same way, the sin you struggle with is different than what I struggle with. I know some people stuggle with addiction to drugs, I have never done any kind of drug in my life, but I really struggle with self control (when it comes to diet and money). It would be foolish to say I have to not go to the mall and try my best to keep sweets out of my house, so you should too, so that you don't struggle with my sin.

What about our marriages? Recently I heard the advice (from a married couple of over 30 years), given to a married couple that were in a disagreement, to just not talk about it and it would go away. That has obviously worked for this couple. They both seem perfectly content in their marriage. But I can tell you that advice wouldn't work for me and my marriage. I feel like if you have a problem, and you can talk through a solution, then it's never an issue you have to deal with again. When it happens again, you already know the solution to the problem. Maybe talking through things doesn't work for everyone. So many times we pass judgement on people that don't take our advice (especially if we are older) because it didn't work for us so it can't work for anyone, right?

God loves diversity, I'm sure of it. If we were all the same we would be so boring. If we all thought the same way, did the same things, reacted the exact same way to issues, had the same jokes, we would never appreciate each other. Wouldn't it be beautiful if we just celebrated the differences instead of judging one another for being different? What if in your marriage, you began to celebrate how your spouse is different than you, and how you balance each other? What if in our spiritual lives we just celebrated growth vs what the regime we were following is?

I can only imagine if we would quit lumping things into the "all" category, how much better it could be. 

I'm anti-vax and it has NOTHING to do with science....

... okay well that's partly true...

I believe in thinking for yourself, making your own decisions, and not being blasted for them. People will NEVER all agree about anything. I will never convince you my way is right and yours is wrong if your not at a place to hear it. I also believe that we are conditioned to believe a certain way and sometimes we have to be at a place to ask really hard questions in order to change our beliefs.

For instance, I'm a Christian. I was kinda raised Christian. I don't remember really going to church till I was about 8. I still to this day rarely pray over a meal if I am by myself. It's not second nature to me because it wasn't instilled at me from an early age. I don't remember having family bible studies. I don't remember talking about what we heard that day in church, and until I was about 15 I don't remember equating Biblical truth to my everyday situations. You see at some point in my life I had to learn to think for myself. So often times "free thinkers" think that Christians are Christians because they were raised that way. For me it wasn't like that. God didn't become real to me until I felt like I had no other choice... It was MY choice. I could have forever gone on living my life and calling myself a Christian and honestly no one would have thought anything different. It wasn't until I became pregnant with Cade before I was married, that I began to need and love the Lord. But it was real to me. It was something I felt, couldn't explain, and completely Spiritual. It can't be explained with science but I know it's real. My mom was very instrumental in God becoming real in my life, but it had nothing to do with pressure, or being always raised to believe that way, it was about personal experience.

So that takes me to vaccinations. I know kinda strange jump huh? I had never really read much on vaccinations. I didn't really know a lot about them other than they were good, right? My mom encouraged me to NOT vaccinate Cade and I did not agree with that decision. I mean Aaron and I were vaccinated and we were totally fine! Everyone I knew was vaccinated. What reason did I have to not vaccinate. And all the reasons my mom gave me, were not enough to sway me, at the time.  I had a flu shot during my pregnancy. I had SEVERE asthma and my OBGYN told me if I caught the flu, I would die, I believed him (FEAR). After all, I had never been pregnant before, and he was an OBGYN, surely what he was telling me was true. I later realized pregnancy doesn't equal broken. My immune system was NOT broken and I have had the flu before and guess what... I didn't die (Shocker, I know!)  When Cade was born he came out, took immediately to breast feeding, and was perfect. They then took him from me to administer vaccinations and get him an x ray to show NO meconium in his lungs. Guess what he had colostrum in that sweet tiny belly of his, and NO meconium. After a few hours his Oxygen stats began to drop when he would eat (they were bottle feeding him in the NICU at the time, while getting the results back from his x rays) I never (but not without trying for two solid months) breastfed my sweet boy again. The only thing that changed from the time he was born till the time his x ray results were given was of course the x ray- and vaccinations. I can't PROVE that the vaccinations harmed him, but one can only assume. From that point on my son had aspiration pneumonia. However one of the "rare" side effects of the Hep B vaccine are breathing problems and difficulty swallowing... I'm js... Not to mention I was tested for Hep B (as almost all pregnant women receive prenatal care are) and I do NO T have the virus. The chances of a small child getting hep b in the first few hours/ months of their life, are slim to none. So why is this vaccine necessary?

I believe that my God is good, I believe He made us with these amazing bodies, completely capable of healing themselves and staying healthy if we give it the things it needs. Unfortunately we live in a environment that is completely saturated in chemicals and toxins, down to the very clothes that you wear. And unfortunately the baby industry sees a huge amount of these chemicals. The diapers you buy in the store are full of things you wouldn't put on your body and we do it to their tiny bodies 24/7. Your skin is an organ, so all those chemicals are being absorbed and the babies come out literally fighting toxins from the day they are born. We eat food with chemicals, on them  or in them. Even our fresh foods, down to the soil they are grown in are full of chemicals. Our bodies are completely capable of healing themselves, but they can't because they are constantly fighting off everything else we put in/on them.

I also think that as Christians we can't operate out of fear. For me, I fear a disease. Like for instance, when the measles outbreak happened here, I'd be lying if I didn't think for a second to run out and get my kids vaccinated. But I read up on measles and yes, they CAN BE horrible, but in most cases they aren't. Very few people die from the measles or even have to be hospitalized for them. I was fearful. The Bible is clear that we don't have to fear. If fear is the reason I'm running to vaccinate my children then, that's not good enough for me. If at any time in the future for a reason other than fear I decide to vaccinate then so be it. While I don't see that happening, never say never.

I think, like most anti-vax parents, I'm not opposed to vaccinations themselves. I'm opposed to the preservatives that are in them because our bodies were not designed to get injected with these type of chemicals. People can say all day long that theories of Autism and Vaccinations haven't been linked, and they have in fact been disproved, but it's interesting in communities where MMR is broken up and not given at one time how much lower Austism rates are. I don't know if they are linked but I do know this, you can't deny personal experience. Moms know. How can you tell a mom that it wasn't vaccinations when she knows what her child was like before the vaccination and then after it was a completely different child. Especially in the case of twins where only one twin is affected. And what about the rise of neurological disorders in children. The more vaccinations, the more our children are affected. Do you know we are now vaccinating children for non life threatening illnesses such as Chicken Pox and Rotovirus. Sure anything can be fatal, but so can driving a car. The dosage they give a newborn baby is the same as an adult... How can that be okay?

And lets talk about the herd immunity and immunocompromised, and elderly. I read this article today. And I have a couple things to say.... the first being that they have now linked the Vit K shot to Childhood Leukemia... 2 of my 3 children have had the shot and I'm not judging but did you know the amount of vit k given in a vaccination is 250,000 times the amount they need, leading to jaundice. Herd Immunity-- Some people think that anti vaxers are relying on Herd Immunity so our kids won't get sick.  In my case this is not true. Did you know that anti vaxers love "pox parties" where we knowingly expose our children to another child with chicken pox so that our kids can get it instead of hoping that in ten years when  vaccinations wear off they won't get it as a teenager or adult. Did you also know that kids that have received a vaccination recently have a risk of infecting our non vaxed child because vaccines shed? Yet we still send our non vaxed children to school with your vaxed children because (for me at least) I believe our bodies are so amazingly made that given the right tools it CAN fight off illnesses. For instance, Last year my son was exposed to a vaccinated child that had recently received the pertussis vaccination at school. Cade is also vaccinated from it, but guess what he still passed it on to me, laynie (who was very young), Addie, and Aaron (who got it the worst), but we are all here, we all made it, we survived pertussis. The child that Cade was exposed to shed the vaccination. This would also be detrimental for a immunocompromised person or someone elderly, but it didn't start in the unvaxed community. Another argument in this article is that vaccinations are every one's business. I disagree... If you want your child to be vaccinated that's your child, your choice, your risk. If I choose not to it's my choice, my risk with my child.

If you believe in vaccinations then what are you worried about. My unvaxed child shouldn't be a threat to your vaxed child. If your child is so immuno-compromised that they can't receive a vaccine all I can say is I'm sorry. But I am not responsible to protect your child, but I am responsible for the health of my own children. Does that mean I don't want to protect or love your child, no! Of course I wouldn't want my unvaxed child to ever harm your child in any way, but here's the deal, if my child is exposing your child to a preventable illness, then my child has it too... maybe that's no consolation, but again I have to do what I feel like is best for my children and you have to do what is best for yours. Would I tell a vaccinating parent to NOT vaccinate because their child could shed, no! Because it's their right and privilege to do what they feel is best. I still send my children to PUBLIC school knowing that kids are getting vaccinations everyday, as they are due. And it's my choice. 


...so this is just my venting on vaccinations. I purposely didn't put link to scientific evidence in here... I also think we need to support each other even when we don't agree. I doubt that i will ever be for vaccinations, but i support each mom that is informed and feels that is best for her child. But I do hope that you have taken the time to be informed... Also, becuase this such a controversal subject I have chosen to close comments on here....

Modesty

So, I really have a heart for young girls and I wish that they could see what they are doing to themselves. I understand why girls do what they do, but it's still hard for me to sit back and watch. Especially girls I care about. Iwas looking at some myspace's with pictures of girls that claimed they were Christians, that were completely innappropriate (or what I thought was inappropriate by God's standards) and I thought what if I did this (as a youth minister) what would they think, which led me to, it shouldn't be any different for me than it is for them. If you say you are a Christian you need to be willing to live that life. You are just as important in God's kingdom and just as much a reflection of his Kingdom and I am. To a non-Christian we are all the same, minister or not. I started off asking the Question:

Should Girls (or guys) that call themselves Christians post pictures in the underware in a public place where everyone can view them? And, is it different for bathing suits? and is it different for people in a pastor or minister position.

I recieved varying opinions and was glad to see what people thought. These opinions are those of girls aging from 16-25 so everyone is young...

One of the biggest things I would like to point out is that I do think a major factor in this is your heart. Why were you really posting the picture. I have seen some married mom's that don't have the greatest body put up a picture of them in the pool with thier kids playing while, of course, wearing a swim suit. This is NOT what I'm talking about. They aren't posing for the camera, they are simply just showing what thier life is like and how they spend it with thier kids. Most of them really don't WANT to be seen in thier bathing suits, but at the same time aren't opposed to putting up cute "playing" pictures just because they are in thier bathing suits in a pool. I'm talking about the young women that are posing in thier bras or posing for the camera in thier bikinis just to get attention. I obviously can't say for sure or not what the heart of someone is when they post these kinds of pictures but I would say almost 100% of the time it's for attention, and usually you can tell by the picture.

Here was one response that I recieved: I believe that it is not ok to put pics of yourself in underware on there page because if you truly are a Christian, you will be more modest in a swim suit then you are in your underware. No one except your spouse should see you in your underware. But thats just my take on it. So here, they beleive that if you put up pics in your underware it's not, for any reason, okay, but that a bathing suit can be appropriate if it's modest, and that if you are really glorifying God in your dress at all times, your bathing suit will reflect that. I think this is a good view. I also believe that only a spouse should see you in your undies...I don't think this is something that should be revealed to the world to see and I feel like your future spouse, or current spouse, may not like the fact that the world has seen you this way...

Another response:i dont think it is ok for anybody to put pictures of themselves on the internet in their underware. a bathing suit is totally different they are meant to be worn in front of other people so i think that is ok. i think that a pastor or minister can put their picture of them in a bathing suit were the want but not them in their underware. Here again, this person does not feel it's okay for ANY reason to have pictures in your underware. However, I do disagree that any bathing suit is okay. I think there are some bathing suits that cross the line and it would almost be better to see someone in thier underware than thier bathing suit.

Response:honestly it depends how skimpy the underwear are if its a sports bra and boy shorts no big deal just like a bathing suit but if were talking see thru not real proper. and for a leader of a church i feel the same as i just said goes for anyone in my opinion. This response throws me... I understand the view point but, I don't think it would be appropriate for any one to see me in my sports bra, I don't even take pictures in Cami's. Maybe it all depends on how revealing it still is. Different body types will show more. But I still can't see it being okay ever for the leader of a church to post pictures of themselves in any kind of underware. And I also disagree that any bathing suit is okay which i feel like this person led to.

Response: i think it may cause their brother to stumble or lust after them.... If they have a doubts they probably shouldnt do it.a pastor.......I don't think It should change. all Christians are supposed to be striving to be christ-like. Christ would want to cause others to stumble.I think you also should think about the true reasons you are posting...is it to build up other people and is it to glorify Him?- Ohh I love this response. Obviously you can't control what other people are thinking, and if you are in clothes that aren't showing anything and others are lusting after you and you aren't doing anything to provoke that, than you can't help it. But if you are posting revealing pictures, really in anything, even clothes, that could attract the "wrong kind" of attention you are causing your brother or sister to sin, and the Bible says it would be better to tie a millstone around your neck and throw yourself into the sea...(Matt 18:6, Mark 9:42, Luke 17:2). I also LOVE the point here made that no matter what your position as a Christian is, pastor or otherwise, it doesn't matter. Just because you are a pastor you aren't held to a higher standard according to the Bible, necessarily, We are all to follow Christ and to Glorify and worship Him in all that we do, even our dress. And here again she says that motive is a huge part of your decision. Why are you doing what you are doing? Is it bringing Glory to God?We should always be pointing each other back to Him.

Response: I think that God wants us to be modest, and thats definitely not modesty, and as a pastor or minister, the person should try to set the best example possible for the people of his or her church. if you call yourself a Christian you should want to please God and you should follow what God says, and I dont think bathing suits are any different than a bra or underwear, because either way you are showing skin. I like that she says either way you are showing skin.. Good point.

Response:No underwear or some bathing suits becuase even bathing suits can be inappropriate, and posting something immodest is not good, as said in the bible in 1 Timothy 2:9.Also, in a sense I think it's worse for a Pastor because then their "attendee's" would think that it would be okay. But in another sense it would be different for a Pastor because they have a higher role in a church other than an attendee I guess that's what I'm trying to say. I disagree with just the end of this response I don't think it is any different for a Pastor or Minister becuase we are all held to the same standard in modesty as Christians. I think it's the "world" that holds Pastors and Ministers to the higher standard and really they are just people too that struggle with the same things as everyone else.

Response: it just all depends on what can be seen and the context of the photo. putting sexy poses in your underwear all over, or even just one picture, is different. but just showing stomach, or where you can't even tell unless you look at the previous picture, isn't bad. bikini, isn't bad. its just like going into public in a bikini.that's just my outlook on it.luckily there's no wrong or right answer to this. I disagree that there is no wrong answer. I think anything that would cause someone to lust after you and is almost made for that purpose is wrong and letting the whole world see it as you are posing for the camera is wrong. Granted if you are at the pool in your swimsuit and hanging with your friends and pics get taken and you post them, that is different, (as long as stuff isn't hanging out everywhere) but when the intent is to be sexy and get attention it's wrong no matter what you are wearing. However putting up pictures in your undies, why? The Bible to me is BLACK and WHITE... WRONG or RIGHT... there is no middle ground which means there is an answer to this.

Pretty Eye Opening Response: If i ever saw a youth pastor in their bra on myspace i think i would be totally against going to that church and hearing anything the pastor had to say. AND there is no difference, i would hope someone who called themself a christian would be a good example and NOT put a picture in their bra, or bathing suit top or whatever. its called a shirt duhhhh. they were invented for a reason. yeah. i dont think god honors anything like that.obviously its not right! Most of you know that I am a youth Minister and to hear that someone wouldn't even listen to me if I did this makes you think there has to be something wrong with it,but I love how she points out it doesn't vary that ALL Christians adhere to the same "code".

Similar Response: I don't think you should do this ever. It just makes you look cheap and desperate in my opinion. And the fact that it would be a person who is supposed to be telling people of God's love and kindenss makes it even worse. There are really no excuses for doing this but even less as a person who would be looked up too. I'm sure this person would not like thier congregation to do this. And if they think it's ok they need a serious reality check.

Response: for someone that calls themself a christian, showing there self in their bra for other non-christians would think hey that's okay to do. i agree with you, i think it's wrong on so many levels for a christian to post pictures in bra's. Here is another great point. Forget about what we are supposed to do as Christians, What are we teaching the world about Christians. There is supposed to be a difference between CHristians and the World, and I don't see that when we are acting exactly like them!! 1 Peter 2:11 "Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul." Here it shows us that we are to be so different that we look like aliens in this world and we aren't when we are acting just like them.

So I wrote this to make a point, But I didn't want to be the only one doing it. I wanted people to see what other girls are thinking and how they feel. I'm not condemning anyone I just hope that we are careful about what we put out there for everyone to see.