Friday, November 15, 2013

Lusting after another man...

With the explosion of 50 Shades of Grey it seems that women lusting over men has become a little more "normal" than it used to be. When Magic Mike came out and the book 50 Shades of Grey,  I re posted this blog. I have used this point of view to try and steer my self in a respectful direction. I won't lie, Magic Mike was playing on my movie channels not to long ago and I was home with just Laynie, and was tempted. But I didn't watch it. Why? because if my husband were to watch a movie based on female strippers, it would bother me.

My goal in my marriage is to do for Aaron what I want Aaron to do for me. That means keeping my mind purely focused on him. Does this mean that I don't see an attractive man and acknowledge that God did a good job making him? No! People are attractive. And when my husband acknowledges that a woman is pretty we usually discuss if I feel the same way. But hearing things like "she's so hott" or other phrases that might be used, makes me feel less. Makes me feel like somehow because I don't look that way, I am not fulfilling what he needs as far as looks go. Most of these thoughts come from my own insecurity, but when my husband makes me feel like I'm the hottest woman on the planet, the only woman he's drooling over, it does something to me! It makes me feel confident, appreciated, unstoppable!

I want to do that for Aaron. I don't think he struggles with confidence or looks, the way I do. But I still want him to feel respected or appreciated. Like I think he's a hunk (which I totally do). But if I'm posting pictures of half naked men on my facebook, how can that possible make him feel like he's the only man for me. Not to mention that I believe that looking at these images sets you up to compare your man, to a man that's not yours. That's someone else's man, what if another woman was looking at your man the way you are looking at that man.

I realize that many men struggle with porn addiction. Maybe you are in that type of relationship and you have convinced yourself that looking at half naked men, isn't as bad as what he's doing. Maybe you openly watch that together? Maybe you think all men do, so you accept it. (They don't, and it's not healthy.) Justifying what you are doing, doesn't make it right. The grass is never greener. A better looking man doesn't guarantee he would be what you need. If you do it because he does, two wrongs don't make a right. And are you being accountable to yourself? or to God? And in most cases your obsessing over a celebrity you will never have. Why? and what is the cost?

To me- the cost is that you are disrespecting your relationship which later can/will cause issues. Maybe they say they don't have an issue with it, but how much better would it be if you only had eyes for him? I'm not judging anyone, because I realize lusting over beautiful people is normal in this day and age, that to most there is nothing wrong with it. But to me we (As Christians) are to be set apart. We are held to a higher standard. We need lasting marriages, lasting relationships, we need to be the example. We need to show society what it is to bounce our eyes, and be content with the person we have.

I also think having a pure mind is a huge part of our Christian walk. It's so hard to have a pure mind. It's so easy to go there, because we are constantly bombarded with images. But as women, when you set it in a 50 shades of Grey setting, all the sudden you compare what he does versus what your man is doing. It's the same when a man views porn and thinks that's what sex should be like. It's not realistic and it creates disappointment within your relationship. Your partner is not meeting your expectations.

All I'm saying is this, Lets be women that have eyes only for our men. Let's be women that fantasize about just our man. Learn to love every single curve of your man's body versus someone you can never have. I want my husband to feel respected, and honestly, when you have 3 kids (and one one the way) it's easy to complain, it's easy to not be happy when you see him come home, It's easy to be upset that he didn't help you, or that he didn't meet your expectations, and you don't even mean to. Aaron complained one time that I didn't smile and act happy when he got home, and I thought are you freaking kidding me, do you know what I go through all day everyday? And I of course have done my best to fix that, but there are days that I'm exhausted and I don't make that extra effort, so if one thing I can do is to tell you how hott my husband is to me, and how I only fantasize about being with him, and how I'm so thankful I have a good looking husband, and that's all I can do to make him feel acknowledged, appreciated, and respected, then that's what I want to do.

I want to live my life in a way that is above reproach. I will fail. There will be things that I do that would make someone think, "really, Brandie, you're a Christian", but this is one area I chose to be different. God is still working on me, we are all a work in progress, but I feel VERY convicted in this area, and I wanted you to see what I think. Take it or leave it, no judgement :)

Be Brave and Struggle Well...

Brandie :)