Friday, September 27, 2013

Divorce, Manipulation, Idolatry, Expectations, Jealousy, Prayer.

Unfortunately, out of respect for my amazing husband this blog had to go back in the vault. I really hope those that needed to see it did and that it ministered to their hearts. 

Thursday, September 26, 2013

I'm anti-vax and it has NOTHING to do with science....

... okay well that's partly true...

I believe in thinking for yourself, making your own decisions, and not being blasted for them. People will NEVER all agree about anything. I will never convince you my way is right and yours is wrong if your not at a place to hear it. I also believe that we are conditioned to believe a certain way and sometimes we have to be at a place to ask really hard questions in order to change our beliefs.

For instance, I'm a Christian. I was kinda raised Christian. I don't remember really going to church till I was about 8. I still to this day rarely pray over a meal if I am by myself. It's not second nature to me because it wasn't instilled at me from an early age. I don't remember having family bible studies. I don't remember talking about what we heard that day in church, and until I was about 15 I don't remember equating Biblical truth to my everyday situations. You see at some point in my life I had to learn to think for myself. So often times "free thinkers" think that Christians are Christians because they were raised that way. For me it wasn't like that. God didn't become real to me until I felt like I had no other choice... It was MY choice. I could have forever gone on living my life and calling myself a Christian and honestly no one would have thought anything different. It wasn't until I became pregnant with Cade before I was married, that I began to need and love the Lord. But it was real to me. It was something I felt, couldn't explain, and completely Spiritual. It can't be explained with science but I know it's real. My mom was very instrumental in God becoming real in my life, but it had nothing to do with pressure, or being always raised to believe that way, it was about personal experience.

So that takes me to vaccinations. I know kinda strange jump huh? I had never really read much on vaccinations. I didn't really know a lot about them other than they were good, right? My mom encouraged me to NOT vaccinate Cade and I did not agree with that decision. I mean Aaron and I were vaccinated and we were totally fine! Everyone I knew was vaccinated. What reason did I have to not vaccinate. And all the reasons my mom gave me, were not enough to sway me, at the time.  I had a flu shot during my pregnancy. I had SEVERE asthma and my OBGYN told me if I caught the flu, I would die, I believed him (FEAR). After all, I had never been pregnant before, and he was an OBGYN, surely what he was telling me was true. I later realized pregnancy doesn't equal broken. My immune system was NOT broken and I have had the flu before and guess what... I didn't die (Shocker, I know!)  When Cade was born he came out, took immediately to breast feeding, and was perfect. They then took him from me to administer vaccinations and get him an x ray to show NO meconium in his lungs. Guess what he had colostrum in that sweet tiny belly of his, and NO meconium. After a few hours his Oxygen stats began to drop when he would eat (they were bottle feeding him in the NICU at the time, while getting the results back from his x rays) I never (but not without trying for two solid months) breastfed my sweet boy again. The only thing that changed from the time he was born till the time his x ray results were given was of course the x ray- and vaccinations. I can't PROVE that the vaccinations harmed him, but one can only assume. From that point on my son had aspiration pneumonia. However one of the "rare" side effects of the Hep B vaccine are breathing problems and difficulty swallowing... I'm js... Not to mention I was tested for Hep B (as almost all pregnant women receive prenatal care are) and I do NO T have the virus. The chances of a small child getting hep b in the first few hours/ months of their life, are slim to none. So why is this vaccine necessary?

I believe that my God is good, I believe He made us with these amazing bodies, completely capable of healing themselves and staying healthy if we give it the things it needs. Unfortunately we live in a environment that is completely saturated in chemicals and toxins, down to the very clothes that you wear. And unfortunately the baby industry sees a huge amount of these chemicals. The diapers you buy in the store are full of things you wouldn't put on your body and we do it to their tiny bodies 24/7. Your skin is an organ, so all those chemicals are being absorbed and the babies come out literally fighting toxins from the day they are born. We eat food with chemicals, on them  or in them. Even our fresh foods, down to the soil they are grown in are full of chemicals. Our bodies are completely capable of healing themselves, but they can't because they are constantly fighting off everything else we put in/on them.

I also think that as Christians we can't operate out of fear. For me, I fear a disease. Like for instance, when the measles outbreak happened here, I'd be lying if I didn't think for a second to run out and get my kids vaccinated. But I read up on measles and yes, they CAN BE horrible, but in most cases they aren't. Very few people die from the measles or even have to be hospitalized for them. I was fearful. The Bible is clear that we don't have to fear. If fear is the reason I'm running to vaccinate my children then, that's not good enough for me. If at any time in the future for a reason other than fear I decide to vaccinate then so be it. While I don't see that happening, never say never.

I think, like most anti-vax parents, I'm not opposed to vaccinations themselves. I'm opposed to the preservatives that are in them because our bodies were not designed to get injected with these type of chemicals. People can say all day long that theories of Autism and Vaccinations haven't been linked, and they have in fact been disproved, but it's interesting in communities where MMR is broken up and not given at one time how much lower Austism rates are. I don't know if they are linked but I do know this, you can't deny personal experience. Moms know. How can you tell a mom that it wasn't vaccinations when she knows what her child was like before the vaccination and then after it was a completely different child. Especially in the case of twins where only one twin is affected. And what about the rise of neurological disorders in children. The more vaccinations, the more our children are affected. Do you know we are now vaccinating children for non life threatening illnesses such as Chicken Pox and Rotovirus. Sure anything can be fatal, but so can driving a car. The dosage they give a newborn baby is the same as an adult... How can that be okay?

And lets talk about the herd immunity and immunocompromised, and elderly. I read this article today. And I have a couple things to say.... the first being that they have now linked the Vit K shot to Childhood Leukemia... 2 of my 3 children have had the shot and I'm not judging but did you know the amount of vit k given in a vaccination is 250,000 times the amount they need, leading to jaundice. Herd Immunity-- Some people think that anti vaxers are relying on Herd Immunity so our kids won't get sick.  In my case this is not true. Did you know that anti vaxers love "pox parties" where we knowingly expose our children to another child with chicken pox so that our kids can get it instead of hoping that in ten years when  vaccinations wear off they won't get it as a teenager or adult. Did you also know that kids that have received a vaccination recently have a risk of infecting our non vaxed child because vaccines shed? Yet we still send our non vaxed children to school with your vaxed children because (for me at least) I believe our bodies are so amazingly made that given the right tools it CAN fight off illnesses. For instance, Last year my son was exposed to a vaccinated child that had recently received the pertussis vaccination at school. Cade is also vaccinated from it, but guess what he still passed it on to me, laynie (who was very young), Addie, and Aaron (who got it the worst), but we are all here, we all made it, we survived pertussis. The child that Cade was exposed to shed the vaccination. This would also be detrimental for a immunocompromised person or someone elderly, but it didn't start in the unvaxed community. Another argument in this article is that vaccinations are every one's business. I disagree... If you want your child to be vaccinated that's your child, your choice, your risk. If I choose not to it's my choice, my risk with my child.

If you believe in vaccinations then what are you worried about. My unvaxed child shouldn't be a threat to your vaxed child. If your child is so immuno-compromised that they can't receive a vaccine all I can say is I'm sorry. But I am not responsible to protect your child, but I am responsible for the health of my own children. Does that mean I don't want to protect or love your child, no! Of course I wouldn't want my unvaxed child to ever harm your child in any way, but here's the deal, if my child is exposing your child to a preventable illness, then my child has it too... maybe that's no consolation, but again I have to do what I feel like is best for my children and you have to do what is best for yours. Would I tell a vaccinating parent to NOT vaccinate because their child could shed, no! Because it's their right and privilege to do what they feel is best. I still send my children to PUBLIC school knowing that kids are getting vaccinations everyday, as they are due. And it's my choice. this is just my venting on vaccinations. I purposely didn't put link to scientific evidence in here... I also think we need to support each other even when we don't agree. I doubt that i will ever be for vaccinations, but i support each mom that is informed and feels that is best for her child. But I do hope that you have taken the time to be informed... Also, becuase this such a controversal subject I have chosen to close comments on here....

Friday, September 6, 2013

Struggle Well

I had this blog written and someone's little fingers deleted it all, so I'm starting over...

I had a sad mom moment last night... that moment where you just want to scoop up your baby and rescue them from their hurting heart. But you can't...

I had a bad day yesterday. I was emotional over some other things in my life. I had cried all day. It was just one of those days, then I started thinking about a friend's facebook post. She had been confused about something that was going on in her life for a couple days when she remembered the true character of God, and that he was a God of order and not confusion. While I was in no way confused I had been debating different possibilities about my situation in my head when I remember this and decided I was going to base my decisions on the character of God. When I did I had peace and the answers became clear to me. God continued to deal with me on alot of levels yesterday and while at times it was uncomfortable, but it was clear, and comforting to know God was speaking to me. :)

After my bad day, I was getting the kids to bed early! I was getting to spend time with them and things were looking up! I thought "YES! My day is getting better!", then it happened... Cade and I were having a rough time, after walking away and then coming back, we began discussing his heart. He told me that he felt he didn't have any friends and that people didn't like him. My heart sank. He cried, I cried! I held him tight, I assured him I liked him, he was my friend, and he was cool. And also that he looked so awesome at school this year! (he's been all about "looking good"). We prayed over him, we asked God to send him a special friend at school. I was sad, and I was mad! I was mad that kids are so mean, and that parents are not educating their children better about special needs kids. I wanted to march up to his school and make sure all those kids knew they need to be nice to him, be nice to each other. But that's not realistic. I also have to realize that most parents, unless there is a special needs kid in their family, are not educating their children, not because they are mean, but because they a) don't think about it and b) don't realize their non special needs kid has special kids in their class.

I wanted to be able to rescue my Cade from his hurt. I wanted to tell him he never had to go back to school and that he could stay with me forever. Again for us this is not realistic. I could not home school him because I don't have the tools I need to teach him the way he needs. I would be lying if I told you that I love public school and that I want my kids to be there, but right now, it's what is the best solution for Cade, and I have to be honest and tell you that I want my kids to be at school together. I want Cade to have the opportunity to be a "big brother" and I want Addie to help encourage kids to realize how cool Cade is! I would love to be able to afford a specialized school for him, but I can't, and then I struggle with, "how well is that preparing him for life" most of those schools have ONLY special needs kids and how does that prepare him for the cruelness of the world when he goes to College or Vocational Training?

I know his pain (I'm sure not the same degree) but I was not "cool" in school. I was made fun of ALOT. I wish I could just tell him that none of that really matters after high school and that it's all a level playing field in the real world, but even if I did, it wouldn't be any consolation to his pain right now. It won't help him to feel less lonely.

I obviously can't force the kids to be nice to Cade, and I can't hide Cade from the rest of the world so that his heart is protected. So I was trying to figure out, how I can best encourage him at school. I never considered asking God what I should do, or how I should approach it. I mean God had been talking to me all day but it was about something totally different. I was meeting a friend after my kids went to bed and on the way to my destination I was listening to KLTY, Nightlight with Andrea. They topic of the night was brothers. I only heard one story before commercials came on and I was where I needed to be. But it was a girl talking about her special needs brother. I thought okay God, I get it! You are so good, but the more I listened she began to talk about her brothers happiness despite any situation (there was a time i could relate to that) but I didn't feel like this applied... I questioned God, and then kept listening. Andrea asked her, "What has your brother Danny taught you" the girl replied, "he showed me what it meant to struggle well". Wow.... struggle well.

This has significant impact on me and I began to thank Him for being so real to me, ALL DAY! The truth is we all struggle! We all have times, moments, that we endure circumstances and challenges in our lives. But do we struggle well? We will struggle... we will. But how do we handle it? Cade doesn't just face struggles every so often, for him, it's everyday, every moment. I want to encourage him to struggle well. I want to encourage him to not approach his struggles poorly but with peace, confidence, and strength. I want to be an example by "struggling well". I want to encourage you as well, STRUGGLE WELL.


Just a little update: Cade's third grade teacher called me this morning in a response to an email I had written her and told me that she LOVES having Cade in her class, and that the kids in HER class fight over being his helper, and that on Meet the Teacher night when Cade was there, the parents of some of the other students that were there requested that their kids be Cade's helpers, so she has a rotation! Yay! Thank you Lord for more answered prayers. His Goodness is overwhelming!