I'm anti-vax and it has NOTHING to do with science....

... okay well that's partly true...

I believe in thinking for yourself, making your own decisions, and not being blasted for them. People will NEVER all agree about anything. I will never convince you my way is right and yours is wrong if your not at a place to hear it. I also believe that we are conditioned to believe a certain way and sometimes we have to be at a place to ask really hard questions in order to change our beliefs.

For instance, I'm a Christian. I was kinda raised Christian. I don't remember really going to church till I was about 8. I still to this day rarely pray over a meal if I am by myself. It's not second nature to me because it wasn't instilled at me from an early age. I don't remember having family bible studies. I don't remember talking about what we heard that day in church, and until I was about 15 I don't remember equating Biblical truth to my everyday situations. You see at some point in my life I had to learn to think for myself. So often times "free thinkers" think that Christians are Christians because they were raised that way. For me it wasn't like that. God didn't become real to me until I felt like I had no other choice... It was MY choice. I could have forever gone on living my life and calling myself a Christian and honestly no one would have thought anything different. It wasn't until I became pregnant with Cade before I was married, that I began to need and love the Lord. But it was real to me. It was something I felt, couldn't explain, and completely Spiritual. It can't be explained with science but I know it's real. My mom was very instrumental in God becoming real in my life, but it had nothing to do with pressure, or being always raised to believe that way, it was about personal experience.

So that takes me to vaccinations. I know kinda strange jump huh? I had never really read much on vaccinations. I didn't really know a lot about them other than they were good, right? My mom encouraged me to NOT vaccinate Cade and I did not agree with that decision. I mean Aaron and I were vaccinated and we were totally fine! Everyone I knew was vaccinated. What reason did I have to not vaccinate. And all the reasons my mom gave me, were not enough to sway me, at the time.  I had a flu shot during my pregnancy. I had SEVERE asthma and my OBGYN told me if I caught the flu, I would die, I believed him (FEAR). After all, I had never been pregnant before, and he was an OBGYN, surely what he was telling me was true. I later realized pregnancy doesn't equal broken. My immune system was NOT broken and I have had the flu before and guess what... I didn't die (Shocker, I know!)  When Cade was born he came out, took immediately to breast feeding, and was perfect. They then took him from me to administer vaccinations and get him an x ray to show NO meconium in his lungs. Guess what he had colostrum in that sweet tiny belly of his, and NO meconium. After a few hours his Oxygen stats began to drop when he would eat (they were bottle feeding him in the NICU at the time, while getting the results back from his x rays) I never (but not without trying for two solid months) breastfed my sweet boy again. The only thing that changed from the time he was born till the time his x ray results were given was of course the x ray- and vaccinations. I can't PROVE that the vaccinations harmed him, but one can only assume. From that point on my son had aspiration pneumonia. However one of the "rare" side effects of the Hep B vaccine are breathing problems and difficulty swallowing... I'm js... Not to mention I was tested for Hep B (as almost all pregnant women receive prenatal care are) and I do NO T have the virus. The chances of a small child getting hep b in the first few hours/ months of their life, are slim to none. So why is this vaccine necessary?

I believe that my God is good, I believe He made us with these amazing bodies, completely capable of healing themselves and staying healthy if we give it the things it needs. Unfortunately we live in a environment that is completely saturated in chemicals and toxins, down to the very clothes that you wear. And unfortunately the baby industry sees a huge amount of these chemicals. The diapers you buy in the store are full of things you wouldn't put on your body and we do it to their tiny bodies 24/7. Your skin is an organ, so all those chemicals are being absorbed and the babies come out literally fighting toxins from the day they are born. We eat food with chemicals, on them  or in them. Even our fresh foods, down to the soil they are grown in are full of chemicals. Our bodies are completely capable of healing themselves, but they can't because they are constantly fighting off everything else we put in/on them.

I also think that as Christians we can't operate out of fear. For me, I fear a disease. Like for instance, when the measles outbreak happened here, I'd be lying if I didn't think for a second to run out and get my kids vaccinated. But I read up on measles and yes, they CAN BE horrible, but in most cases they aren't. Very few people die from the measles or even have to be hospitalized for them. I was fearful. The Bible is clear that we don't have to fear. If fear is the reason I'm running to vaccinate my children then, that's not good enough for me. If at any time in the future for a reason other than fear I decide to vaccinate then so be it. While I don't see that happening, never say never.

I think, like most anti-vax parents, I'm not opposed to vaccinations themselves. I'm opposed to the preservatives that are in them because our bodies were not designed to get injected with these type of chemicals. People can say all day long that theories of Autism and Vaccinations haven't been linked, and they have in fact been disproved, but it's interesting in communities where MMR is broken up and not given at one time how much lower Austism rates are. I don't know if they are linked but I do know this, you can't deny personal experience. Moms know. How can you tell a mom that it wasn't vaccinations when she knows what her child was like before the vaccination and then after it was a completely different child. Especially in the case of twins where only one twin is affected. And what about the rise of neurological disorders in children. The more vaccinations, the more our children are affected. Do you know we are now vaccinating children for non life threatening illnesses such as Chicken Pox and Rotovirus. Sure anything can be fatal, but so can driving a car. The dosage they give a newborn baby is the same as an adult... How can that be okay?

And lets talk about the herd immunity and immunocompromised, and elderly. I read this article today. And I have a couple things to say.... the first being that they have now linked the Vit K shot to Childhood Leukemia... 2 of my 3 children have had the shot and I'm not judging but did you know the amount of vit k given in a vaccination is 250,000 times the amount they need, leading to jaundice. Herd Immunity-- Some people think that anti vaxers are relying on Herd Immunity so our kids won't get sick.  In my case this is not true. Did you know that anti vaxers love "pox parties" where we knowingly expose our children to another child with chicken pox so that our kids can get it instead of hoping that in ten years when  vaccinations wear off they won't get it as a teenager or adult. Did you also know that kids that have received a vaccination recently have a risk of infecting our non vaxed child because vaccines shed? Yet we still send our non vaxed children to school with your vaxed children because (for me at least) I believe our bodies are so amazingly made that given the right tools it CAN fight off illnesses. For instance, Last year my son was exposed to a vaccinated child that had recently received the pertussis vaccination at school. Cade is also vaccinated from it, but guess what he still passed it on to me, laynie (who was very young), Addie, and Aaron (who got it the worst), but we are all here, we all made it, we survived pertussis. The child that Cade was exposed to shed the vaccination. This would also be detrimental for a immunocompromised person or someone elderly, but it didn't start in the unvaxed community. Another argument in this article is that vaccinations are every one's business. I disagree... If you want your child to be vaccinated that's your child, your choice, your risk. If I choose not to it's my choice, my risk with my child.

If you believe in vaccinations then what are you worried about. My unvaxed child shouldn't be a threat to your vaxed child. If your child is so immuno-compromised that they can't receive a vaccine all I can say is I'm sorry. But I am not responsible to protect your child, but I am responsible for the health of my own children. Does that mean I don't want to protect or love your child, no! Of course I wouldn't want my unvaxed child to ever harm your child in any way, but here's the deal, if my child is exposing your child to a preventable illness, then my child has it too... maybe that's no consolation, but again I have to do what I feel like is best for my children and you have to do what is best for yours. Would I tell a vaccinating parent to NOT vaccinate because their child could shed, no! Because it's their right and privilege to do what they feel is best. I still send my children to PUBLIC school knowing that kids are getting vaccinations everyday, as they are due. And it's my choice. 


...so this is just my venting on vaccinations. I purposely didn't put link to scientific evidence in here... I also think we need to support each other even when we don't agree. I doubt that i will ever be for vaccinations, but i support each mom that is informed and feels that is best for her child. But I do hope that you have taken the time to be informed... Also, becuase this such a controversal subject I have chosen to close comments on here....

The Situation... may be too much TMI.. consider yourself warned.

I have been asking for prayer alot lately on facebook and in my personal circles. Most people have speculated what they think the issue is, or have asked if I am okay. Since it's a situation that has to be monitored and will be ongoing I think It's fair that I write out the details for those that are praying.

I have considered not writing this becuase I fear the negative thoughts that may come against me. However, the key word in the last sentence is fear. I cannot live my life according to my fears! I have to overcome fear and doubt and right now, that is an everyday, every moment occurance.. Constantly professing the perfect love that God has for me and my family! I also know that when people know specifics they can pray specifically and I hope that, that is what happens in this situation! Specific prayers for me!

I know several things: God is good! He is the creator of Life, He loves to restore, and He loves to redeem. I know to Trust! I know that fear is NOT from Him! I'm standing firm on the things I know to be true to His character! I know that redemption and restoration can look different and that in any situation, good or bad, He works ALL things together for my good! I've seen him do it in EVERY area of my life and I don't think this trumps that.....

So here it is... I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks... I have had three babies and had normal, non eventful pregnancies...At about 5 weeks pregnant I began having spotting and brown discharge... Not alot just some... I asked my midwife about it and she felt it was just good to monitor it and explained that sometimes things like this happen... about three days later I had a small bleed, nothing like a period but more than just spotting... I freaked out.. I have never had this before... I again talked to her and she said well... lets wait it out.  I went back to just spotting and discharge... I know that sometimes when you are low on progesterone you can have these kind of symptoms and I have struggled with low progesterone since having Laynie (in my opinion, due to taking birth control, but that's another story for another time) so I mentioned this to her and she suggested starting a progesterone cream and I have done that. I have also been diligent about taking my vitamins, lots of water, cutting most of my coffee out, just trying to protect this sweet little life as best I can! However I still continues to spot and have discharge for weeks. I thought about HGC testing, at first I thought what is the point, what will be will be, but then I thought maybe it would be good just for peace of mind... On Saturday I did my first draw, which was 12,000 in normal range for someone 7 weeks along...HGC levels should double within 48-72 hours... so on Monday I did a redraw and my HGC was at 15,000. These is not a normal rate for viable pregnancy.

There are a few things that could be the reason for this... One could just be an abnormality, but will still produce a perfectly healthy child in about 32 weeks. I could have a blighted ovum which is "The medical term for a pregnancy loss in which the gestational sac and placenta develop but the baby does not. Pregnancy hormones will rise and the woman may feel pregnant, but an ultrasound reveals that there is no baby in the sac." or it could be that it's an ectopic pregnancy, however since I have no pain in the abdomen this is probably not the case. Anyway, the midwife told me that those numbers are not great which could mean I have already miscarried or will. I have also gotten other opinions and a sono had been recommended on all sides and is the action I will take. I also think that I will get another hgc draw as early as tomorrow. :)

I am not recieving the word of a miscarriage. I have to admit that I am fearful and of course I doubt, but I'm working hard to not accept the fear and doubt and put my trust in the Lord and His promises. I'm trying to encourage my body to grow this baby in any way I can! I'm thankful for Life! I'm praying for miracles! I also encourage you to join  in praying for me specifically! I also saw my Chiro on Monday who seemed to think the issue may be my uterine lining. Thank you friends!