I was holding Addie the other night, as she had gotten woken up from her sleep and was screaming at the top of her lungs... and I started thinking about my kids. It was amazing how just holding her, she seemed to trust me, to feel safe with me. She curled both of her arms under her, stopped crying, and just laid on me. If I tried to put her down, she was back to sceaming. She needed her mama.
Being a Mom is such a "needy" job. Our kids always need us. In that moment, I thought "gosh, I love this girl" and then I started thinking about Cade and how much I loved him, knowing that at that moment, he was tucked into his bed, asleep. I love it when they sleep. But I got to thinking about how I love both of my kids the same amount (as if love can be measured) but I love them different, in different ways. Addie doesn't need me all the time, but when she does need me, she rests in my arms, she rests in me. However, Cade needs me all the time, constantly. Addie is so independent and free, busy. Cade is dependent on me. But I love them both for thier unique qualities. My body, my soul, yearns for them when we are seperated (even though I am thanful for the break).
I know all mom's feel this way. But I just wanted to write about it. I also began to correlate that moment with Addie, to the way we can be with God. I can rest in Him. I can curl my arms under myself and just lay on his chest. The way I used to do with my mom, I would still do at 25 years old if I wasnt' bigger than her, He loves us all the same, but different. Loves us for our unique qualities. Sometimes even when we are so dependent that it can be almost annoying, he loves that we need him. I never want to get to a place where I don't need Him, and I hope he always wants me to need Him.
Thank you Jesus for showing me so much through my babies, thank you for trusting me with them! Thank you for loving me, giving a place to rest, and allowing me to whine at you!