The Situation... may be too much TMI.. consider yourself warned.

I have been asking for prayer alot lately on facebook and in my personal circles. Most people have speculated what they think the issue is, or have asked if I am okay. Since it's a situation that has to be monitored and will be ongoing I think It's fair that I write out the details for those that are praying.

I have considered not writing this becuase I fear the negative thoughts that may come against me. However, the key word in the last sentence is fear. I cannot live my life according to my fears! I have to overcome fear and doubt and right now, that is an everyday, every moment occurance.. Constantly professing the perfect love that God has for me and my family! I also know that when people know specifics they can pray specifically and I hope that, that is what happens in this situation! Specific prayers for me!

I know several things: God is good! He is the creator of Life, He loves to restore, and He loves to redeem. I know to Trust! I know that fear is NOT from Him! I'm standing firm on the things I know to be true to His character! I know that redemption and restoration can look different and that in any situation, good or bad, He works ALL things together for my good! I've seen him do it in EVERY area of my life and I don't think this trumps that.....

So here it is... I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks... I have had three babies and had normal, non eventful pregnancies...At about 5 weeks pregnant I began having spotting and brown discharge... Not alot just some... I asked my midwife about it and she felt it was just good to monitor it and explained that sometimes things like this happen... about three days later I had a small bleed, nothing like a period but more than just spotting... I freaked out.. I have never had this before... I again talked to her and she said well... lets wait it out.  I went back to just spotting and discharge... I know that sometimes when you are low on progesterone you can have these kind of symptoms and I have struggled with low progesterone since having Laynie (in my opinion, due to taking birth control, but that's another story for another time) so I mentioned this to her and she suggested starting a progesterone cream and I have done that. I have also been diligent about taking my vitamins, lots of water, cutting most of my coffee out, just trying to protect this sweet little life as best I can! However I still continues to spot and have discharge for weeks. I thought about HGC testing, at first I thought what is the point, what will be will be, but then I thought maybe it would be good just for peace of mind... On Saturday I did my first draw, which was 12,000 in normal range for someone 7 weeks along...HGC levels should double within 48-72 hours... so on Monday I did a redraw and my HGC was at 15,000. These is not a normal rate for viable pregnancy.

There are a few things that could be the reason for this... One could just be an abnormality, but will still produce a perfectly healthy child in about 32 weeks. I could have a blighted ovum which is "The medical term for a pregnancy loss in which the gestational sac and placenta develop but the baby does not. Pregnancy hormones will rise and the woman may feel pregnant, but an ultrasound reveals that there is no baby in the sac." or it could be that it's an ectopic pregnancy, however since I have no pain in the abdomen this is probably not the case. Anyway, the midwife told me that those numbers are not great which could mean I have already miscarried or will. I have also gotten other opinions and a sono had been recommended on all sides and is the action I will take. I also think that I will get another hgc draw as early as tomorrow. :)

I am not recieving the word of a miscarriage. I have to admit that I am fearful and of course I doubt, but I'm working hard to not accept the fear and doubt and put my trust in the Lord and His promises. I'm trying to encourage my body to grow this baby in any way I can! I'm thankful for Life! I'm praying for miracles! I also encourage you to join  in praying for me specifically! I also saw my Chiro on Monday who seemed to think the issue may be my uterine lining. Thank you friends!