Those that are "different"...

Today on facebook a friend of mine whose brother is in a wheelchair, posted that she wishes parents would teach thier children (toddlers not included) to not stare at those who are different.

I just had a conversation with my inlaws last night about a young boy who had been set on fire in another country, Americans raised money for his family to move here and go to school here. They were asking him about making friends and although he looks different he had no problems making friends but said when his friends ask what happened to him he tells them.

My father in law stated that he just wouldn't want ask. And I thought about this. I would also NOT WANT TO ASK, and so I started thinking about that. Why would I not ask? My sister is missing a limb and I remember my mom getting so aggravated at adults that would just stare and look at her like it was all her fault, when she was born that way. I also have a developmentally delayed child that acts a little "odd" in social situations, as well as what others would consider "rude and disrespectful" to me. I have been told I need to spank him, I need to punish him, I need to beat him, he's out of control, by strangers no less. People that don't know anything about me or him and think that he's a product of a lack of discipline, which I assure you is NOT the issue.

And I can understand, I can understand in our world of being our kids friends before being thier parent why strangers would assume this, but wouldn't I rather they have a conversation with me before making thier assumptions? Of course I would! So back to my thinking of "Why would I not ask about a child with a disability? Why would I just stare?" I was trained this way. Not out of ugliness but just out of my parents trying to teach me not to be rude. I was taught not to stare at people that were different. I think in my mind that meant to ignore the fact that they were different. It's human curiousity that we want to know and understand. So by being taught that asking was rude, I myself have learned to not ask. I think we assume that in by not staring, and not asking, we are being nice, when the truth is we are just not acknowledging the fact that something is different.

Let me clue you in... they know they are different, if they don't know, their parents KNOW they are different. As a parent of someone that is developmentally delayed I want to encourage you, if you are curious, to ASK! I want to encourage you, to encourage your children to ASK! As a parent I feel better knowing that people know my child is different and asking questions to better understand the disability than to NOT ask and pretend nothing is wrong and not know how to deal with it, so you get frustrated with the individual. You are NOT going to offend a parent of a child in a wheelchair by asking why they are in a wheelchair, and definately not an adult. They KNOW they are in a wheelchair and just like anyone else, we like to talk about ourselves. Not to mention by educating you, you know have a better understanding of what their condition is and what life to them is like.

Okay so some of you are saying, "Brandie, I understand if they are in a wheelchair, missing a limb, have a severe scar from a traumatic event, but what about the mentally handicapp, those that are like your son, look like the rest of us but just aren't quite there. I don't want to offend someone if there is in fact nothing wrong with them", and I get that. Let me let you in on a little secret. If you spend enough time with someone, it's so much a part of thier life and who they are, they will let you know. And probably if you are spending time with them you weren't staring in the beginning. Parents love talking about thier kids so more than likely it will come up in conversation and then you can proceed to ask questions. Or you can preference it by saying, "I have a question, but I don't want to offend you". Then they know it's coming from a place of interest versus are you sure nothing is wrong with your kid...

Being that have a develop mentally delayed child and typical children, I don't think I would be offended if someone asked me if Addie (my typical child) had an issue. I would simply reply "no" and be done with it. However I absolutely welcome questions, even strangers questions about Cade.

I think ultimately, I want to teach my children tolerance. I know people are going to be ugly, they are going to isolate my children, becuase don't we ALL experience that? and even more so when you are challenged in some way? And there is nothing I can do about how others treat my child, but I can teach my children how to react, and to be different! To be the good! To accept ALL people regardless. That doesn't mean they have to be best friends, it doesn't mean they have to be friends at all. It doen't mean they have to agree on all issues, or think the same way. It just means that no matter what, they will be nice to them, they will greet them with a smile, they will show them Jesus. A Jesus they may never see or hear about otherwise!

:)

The First Christians

"'The disciples were called Christians first at Antioch.' What I find interesting is the simple thought that the Christians didn't name themselves. But rather, they were called (or named) 'Christians' by those watching their lives. I wonder if it would be the same today. Could some one look at my life and name me a Christian?"
-Chris Tomlin, from the forward in Crazy Love by Francis Chan

This quote really stirs a lot of thought in me. The first time I read it, it did, and now again. I begin to think that I'm not sure people would label me a Christian or a follower of Christ. I don't think my life bears enough good fruit that without someone simply asking me, they would know.

But in addition to that thought, I got to thinking about raising my children. Am I raising them in a way that they even know, not only that we are Christians, but what that really means? I mean sure we say bedtime prayers, and sure we read Bible stories, but do I live my life in such a way that when they get older they will truly know how to rely on God and his Faithfulness and strength and not their own? I think that sure, they will definitely know what it's like to live the typical "American Christian" life. But I want so much more for them. I want them to be radical for Jesus, and how can I expect that if I myself am not living that way? I'm praying to be better, so that they can be better. I'm praying that even when it's hard, even when it's not what I want to do, that I would love the Lord enough to follow in His ways so that my children might also do the same.

The Family Man

I truly appreciate my husband, who he is, and what he does. However, Aaron has not always been the best at spending time with his family. I am a person whose primary love language is quality time. It's something I have to have in order to feel loved. I love being with people, especially people that love me, and I LOVE being with my husband. It seems like due to the fact that we are parents, and we have busy lives, that we just don't get alot of time together. But this weekend has been different. I have truly enjoyed it.

Saturday he DJ'ed at the St. Patty's day parade. I have never gone with him before, but not having a breastfeeding child helped me to be able to go.... not to mention my sister, who babysat for me. We had fun. He loved on me, made sure I was taken care of, even though he was working. I really felt like his wife! After getting everything taken care of, he then went to eat with me and my sister and the kids. Even though he was tired, not hungry, and had things to do.

Then today, Sunday, we went to church, and then after church we went to lunch where again he ate with us, and then we took the kids to see Thomas the Tank, We spent about three hours out there, and he never left my side (well except once, but it was okay) he was never on the phone, he never once complained, and then we went to my brothers house to celebrate my brothers birthday.

I know to most of you this is just what a husband and dad does, but for Aaron, he's learning, He's doing good. I'm sooo soooo proud of him, for the dad and husband he already is, but also for the dad and husband he is becoming! I know that these things are out of his nature, but I feel soo loved and cherished, and I just wanted to state how happy and proud I am.

I love them the same, but different

I was holding Addie the other night, as she had gotten woken up from her sleep and was screaming at the top of her lungs... and I started thinking about my kids. It was amazing how just holding her, she seemed to trust me, to feel safe with me. She curled both of her arms under her, stopped crying, and just laid on me. If I tried to put her down, she was back to sceaming. She needed her mama.

Being a Mom is such a "needy" job. Our kids always need us. In that moment, I thought "gosh, I love this girl" and then I started thinking about Cade and how much I loved him, knowing that at that moment, he was tucked into his bed, asleep. I love it when they sleep. But I got to thinking about how I love both of my kids the same amount (as if love can be measured) but I love them different, in different ways. Addie doesn't need me all the time, but when she does need me, she rests in my arms, she rests in me. However, Cade needs me all the time, constantly. Addie is so independent and free, busy. Cade is dependent on me. But I love them both for thier unique qualities. My body, my soul, yearns for them when we are seperated (even though I am thanful for the break).

I know all mom's feel this way. But I just wanted to write about it. I also began to correlate that moment with Addie, to the way we can be with God. I can rest in Him. I can curl my arms under myself and just lay on his chest. The way I used to do with my mom, I would still do at 25 years old if I wasnt' bigger than her, He loves us all the same, but different. Loves us for our unique qualities. Sometimes even when we are so dependent that it can be almost annoying, he loves that we need him. I never want to get to a place where I don't need Him, and I hope he always wants me to need Him.

Thank you Jesus for showing me so much through my babies, thank you for trusting me with them! Thank you for loving me, giving a place to rest, and allowing me to whine at you!

Please walk in my shoes first....

I was thinking today about some critisism that I hear from time to time. I was thinking these people have no idea what it's like to be me. I have come to realize over the last couple weeks that I'm a blunt and truthful person. Which can be mistaken as ugly and mean. Really my heart is to love people, and be an encourager. Truly!! I'm positive at times, but I'm a realist. I see things the way they are and sometimes have a problem looking at the big picture (I'm working on that becuase I know it's important to try and look at the big picture). I can be very judgmental and critical at times, again I mean it to be loving, and after it's said realize it wasn't loving at all. I think becuase of these HUGE flaws in my personality, people have a tendency to judge me the same, duhhhh what goes around comes around.

However, I have learned, I can't judge someone, unless I am them. I know some people who I feel made a stupid decision for thier lives, but why, because I'm trying to love them by showing them the error of thier ways? That's rediculous. It's thier life. I know another group of people that I feel showed/shows more love and compassion for people they barely know, then for people that are in thier group that need the same. It irritates me, but why? It shouldn't, they are helping people that need help. That should be all that matters.

If you know me, you know I have a STRONG opinion on everything. This is such not a right attitude in me. I know it's okay to be strong in your opinions about certain things, but I have gotten to a place where I'm critical of others. I have hardly any friends. Like seriously, can count on one hand. I know I have never been the type to have alot of friends, and really don't ever want TONS of friends. I want valuable relationships in my life that mean something to me. People I can depend on, and they can depend on me.

The people I call friends, are very SPECIAL people. I know I'm difficult to get along with at times, and can be very offensive, but it's really not my intentions. I'm praying that God will change my heart, soften my tounge, and help me with me. But I'm so thankful for the people that love me inspite of myself!! Thank you!

However, one thing I was really thinking about is others like me have a tendency to be critical of me, and it hurts (just as I'm sure it hurts when I'm critical of others). Mostly in one area, motherhood. I know I'm far from perfect. I know I'm not the best mom. But I'm trying and doing what I feel is best for my children. I have seen the looks that people give me when I talk to my four year old the way I do. It's not right. But I'm frustrated, I'm annoyed (not that it's an excuse), I'm TIRED...

I hear "you're a stay at home mom, you don't do anything". What people don't realize is, I have a SPECIAL NEEDS child, yes the four year old, he has a schedule you wouldn't believe if I told you that I have to try and keep up with, not to mention a VERY ACTIVE 18 month old that I have to try and lug around with me and Cade, and also keep occupied, It's not an easy task. Yes, I know, tons of mom's do it, but then there are other responsibilities that I have that people don't realize are so taxing. I have NO patience for anyone or anything (again something I'm working on) and there are days I just don't want to be responsible for two people besides myself. Also, people think I'm a stay at home mom I have nothing to do, but what they fail to realize is my husband literally is on call 24/7. I love my husband and I appreciate all the work that he does do, but having two small children and a husband that is on call all the time, and works 6 days a week, means that at any time or moment I become a single mom. This also gets my husband out of tons of responsibility because, I can't just go out for the night with the girls and leave the kids with him, what happens if he gets called out? That means that no matter where I am, or what I'm doing I have to be home within 20 minutes. I rarely get a break and because I don't work, rarely get a break from my kids and get the adult interaction that working moms do. One of the benefits of being a working mom, not that i regret in ANY WAY being a stay at home mom. I love it and wouldn't have ever wanted it any other way and I realize it's just part of the sacrifice to do that.

Then there is the Special Needs issue. I don't care if you are a mom of a special needs child and think that I might not be doing things the way they need to be done becuase you did better than me. They are special needs which means that no two are the same. I know my child better than you do. No, I'm not perfect and I don't think I am, but please, until you have been Cade's mom, or Addie's mom, don't tell me or anyone else, what you think I should be doing. Yes, I'm venting, but I just got to thinking about this, and how if you haven't walked in my shoes, you don't really know. Just like God is showing me, I don't know what is best for my friends, or acquaintances, and thier lives. I'm learning not to be judgmental. Becuase let's face it, I can't walk in your shoes either.

5 years!

I know this is a week overdue, But I just wanted to let you know that Aaron and I have been married for 5years!! OMG!! It seems like not that long ago I was the anxious girl peeking from behind the bathroom door, not really understanding what I was signing up for. Nevertheless, I'm so glad I made the plunge with the man I did. It's hard being two seperate people learning not only to live together, but very quickly after, to parent together. It's been a challenge but I know beyond a doubt that we love each other. I know that we are growing together and I'm so excited to see what the future brings!

I love you husband!

My iphone drama

Yes, I have nothing better to write about but my "American Problems". I feel like such a whiner complaing about something so not worth complaining about when there are people all over the world suffering, but nevertheless, I am an American and these are my problems.

One week ago today my iPhone was stolen from a Walmart parking Lot. I'm not exactly sure what happened or where it went as it was in the basket with my kiddos and I would have surely not missed someone reaching into my basket, and my four year old would have no doubtedly started telling me that someone grabbed my "mone". So I'm not sure where it went missing but in my adventure from Walmart to my house, I realized it was gone. My friends Kim and Chris were with me and began calling my phone in which the person who possessed my phone started forwarding my calls to voicemail. Chris began then sending texts saying, "please call me, there has been an accident, it's an emergency" trying to appeal to thier better morals. However, people that steal have no morals and they turned my phone off. I was at the same time on the phone with AT&T suspending my line.

I proceeded to then file a police report to verify that yes, it was stolen, and that way it can't be pawned. Which is nice!! However, I then called AT&T again to make sure that since I had reported the phone stolen to them and to the police that AT&T (which the iphone is exclusive to) wouldn't activate a stolen iPhone. Which in they proceed to tell me that yes, they will activate it. I told them that didn't make me feel like they cared about thier customers very much. They said that cell phones change hands so much that they can't know if the phone is stolen or not. HELLO!! I've reported it stolen. So I then ask the man (since I've had my phone less than 90 days) what they can do to help me get another one. He tells me nothing, and that I have to pay FULL PRICE ($400) for the 3g 8gig (bottom of the line) iphone.

I went to AT&T today becuase I couldn't get my new sim card to work in my phone and of course I can't help but tell the guy about my dillema where in he tells me I can call Apple and they can disable the phone with the IMEI number. So I call Apple and they tell me, no, that's not true and they can't do any of that. I then start telling her about what has happened. She tells me that I could have purchased insurance through an insurance company (becuase AT&T and Apple don't offer anything that covers theft), and I was like yeah, but I would have had to pay a five hundred deductible or pay $400 for a new phone. I mean really, why would I do that. She told me there is nothing they can do. And that if the people who stole my phone call in with MY serial number that is registered to MY name, they have to help them. WHAT!!! I said why can't you protect the honest people. I don't understand.

Needless to say I'm using a POS phone and I'm writing letters to AT&T and Apple about protecting the people that give them business. It wouldn't be hard my iTunes account could disable the phone when they try to hook it up. Or AT&T could have to type in the serial number if an iPhone comes in that wasn't purchased on that account and when it comes up on my account they could confiscate the phone. If they tried to call and activate it, they could have to type in the serial number and then tell the person on the phone there is no way to activate it over the phone and that they will have to come in. Sprint and TMobile do it. Why can't AT&T, and can it really be that hard when they are the only ones that service iPhones. UGHHH irritates me.